Are you listening to yourself or others?
Strong Vs Weak
(Please note all names of the characters have been changed to keep their identity secret)
There is a trouble in some fundamentals currently. Most of our earthlings have not been taught to decipher strong vs weak in current world. What amazes me more is the definitions seem to have reversed under the disguise of being a responsible adult.
Not able to understand what I am saying?
Ok let me give you examples
Example 1:
So last week I met a client for coaching and card reading -who was dealing with a very difficult situation as she was having issues at her workplace primary because she hated the job she was doing . Anjali (name changed) is a software engineer working with one of the biggest software companies and earning well. However she doesn’t enjoy her work. And she never did. Right from day 1 she did not like it.
when I asked her why she chose that job -she said it was because of parents wanted her to do that and being a good student in school -her teachers and mentors seconded it. “ So they say right - get used to something and you ll start liking it? I exactly did that. 11 years and I am still not liking it. I tried with all my heart but finally understood you can’t force like and dislike”
In the above case -Anjali wanted to do something else right from the beginning but she said it would create a lot of ruckus in the house if she would talk about her passion of being a journalist . Her parents and teachers felt it was risky. So she admitted she “stayed strong” and chose the career to make peace with her life.
She is suffering a lot now. Even taking anti depressants as she is unable to cope with the presssure of doing the job she hates.
“It is not that I cant perform . Even if you teach software engineering to a donkey he ll perform . I m doing well in my job but i hate it”
Example 2
I met Siddhi a woman now 32 years of age who was married for the last 7 years . It was a typical arrange marriage through an online matrimonial forum
Currently there were a lot of issues happening in their marriage . She wasn’t happy and nor was her husband.
On the face of it she was in the perfect life- had two children , a good husband ,house of ownership and high paying job. However she was not happy ..she said she never got along with him right from day one.
And the fact was that 7 years ago she was in love with someone else who was four years younger to her
For both her and her beloved there were issues at home. His parents disapproved the girl saying “ Log kya kahenge(what will the society say” )if the daughter-in-law will be elder to the son.
Her parents neither wanted to argue and swore they ll find a better son in law for their daughter
So she said both of them “stayed strong” and did not Fight for their love And eventually made a compromise in her life . she got married to the man of her parents choice
The boy got into many relationships which were un fulfilling and never found true happiness. Each relationship was a compromise thus making him bitter .
So both of them supposedly ‘stayed strong ‘and compromised their life - so as to not disrupt the peace at home
Eight years later they both are extremely unhappy in respective marriages / relationships and wish they could have chosen better.
Example 3
Rajkiran was a 45 year old gentleman who was sincere,hardworking and always the favourite of his boss Vitthal. Reason - he never said no to any work he was given. His growth was very slow and his immediate boss sugar coated him every time telling he is an asset to the organisation- but never gave him a good promotion or a big increment
3 years ago - he had an opportunity to travel to the US on an assignment. He really wanted to go but the boss did not favour his going there much. And he was also told that that might impact his appraisal. So he did not stand up for himself and did not choose it.
Around 2 years ago his friend began with a startup and he was called for being a manager there. But well he considered Vitthal as his mentor and did not want to ‘betray the organisation ‘. He also felt he might not get the mediclaim or conveyance in a startup. So he ‘stayed Strong’ and turned it down.
Guess what happened- Vitthal kust made his position redundant as he was cost to the company. Last 6 months he has been unemployed. His 2 teenage children are studying and his wife is a homemaker. He came with this concern.
So what is the right thing to do in all the cases
Is Following your heart or gur feeling considered foolish?
What does it mean to take a practical decision putting everyone before you?
What does saying strong mean to you ?
Are you really confusing strength for weakness and weakness for strength ?
Do you succumb to the societal pressure and say you are a strong where actually you are weak as you have no guts to stand up for yourself?
Let me put it together for all our readers
Staying strong means
- holding yourself responsible for your own decisions
- Voicing out your opinion and not being apologetic about it
- Making your own free will choices and standing by it
- Having a heart to heart matured adult conversation with authority figures like parents teachers or bosses and telling them the truth
- Dealing with the situation like an adult, and being responsible for your own happiness.
- Checking your emotions and understanding what makes you happy and taking decisions in alignment with it
- Not needing to seek permission and validation for yourself
What isn’t being strong
- Succumbing to pressure and taking decision that makes you unhappy but is supposedly right.
- Not trusting your inner compass
- Doing something to please authorities
Compromising for family or compromising as you are unable to fight with or have a conversation with authorities isn’t ‘being strong’
It is one of the most cowardly thing you could do. If you succumb to pressure you aren’t strong. If you take decisions and say “ Maine dil pe patthar rakhe decision liya” then you are the weakest person. In the long run you are bound to be unhappy and the authority figure will still get hurt.
As Paulo Coelho says” But there is suffering in life. And there are defeats. No one can avoid them.
But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggle for your dreams than to be defeated without ever even knowing what you're fighting for."
So next time think twice. Stand up for yourself and do not be influenced by anyone . We all are given inner intuition follow it.
Our inner higher self knows all answers. Get in touch with them .
Some ways to connect to your higher self is by Meditation, Journalling or by doing self exploration
(we have courses at Unicorn Insight if you wish to enroll)
How to do it
- Understand yourself very well first - What is it you want?
- Stand up for yourself and for what you want. Have the courage to do it
- Do not compromise at any cost
- Do Research on steps you would take and find information you need incase it is a job career
- You don’t have to fight or argue - you can be assertive and express yourself clear and brief
- Do not over justify
- Keep your tone strong but not loud
- Be responsible for your self and stay committed on your mission
- Finally be prepared to take leap of faith
To Quote Steve Jobs
“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma- which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice.”
Thank you for reading my blog
Ashwini Chube
About the Writer
Ashwini Chube is a Corporate motivational speaker- trainer,Access Bars Facilitator ,Reiki Master, Life Transformation & wellness coach , Zumba Instructor and founder of Unicorn Insight Trainings
Log on www.unicorninsight.com for more about Trainings with them
Facebook page : Facebook.com/ashwinichubeofficial
Happy to connect for any help
To book your coaching session drop an email ashwini.chube@unicorninsight.com
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